March 28, 2014

28: The Golden Birthday

My Birthday:
My 28 years old at March 28' 2014

White Chocolate Birthday Cake by Sandra

- Me and my birthday cake -

We have dinner with Sandra's Mom and Dad in Darwin. In the same day, we celebrated Sandra's Mom Golden Age 'The Fiftieth'. Sandra and her sisters prepared to make a surprise party for Mami (Sandra's mom).

While we were so busy with the preparation, Sandra still have time to order this beautiful cake for me. It's so sweet because I thought everybody focused on preparing Mami's birthday and they didn't really put attention on my birthday. I always feel 'homesick' at March 28. But they didn't, and that's enough to make me feel at home.

Let It Go

When I decide to let it go, 
I always remember that moving on is not like math 
that comes with a formula.
It is more like theory of general relativity, 
you need time and space. 
- Unknown -

Like a Theme Song from the Disney film 'Frozen': 
Let it go.. let it go.. 
Don't hold it back anymore..

More than one year ago, I decided to let go this relationship, and I still feel hurt inside after that. I did't want to talk about this to anyone, even with my family or my closest friend.
I really want to bear all the pain. I didn't want to share the pain because I know for sure, I will explode and end up talking negative about that. And I choose to keep quit, silent and just pray. I asked God to heal my broken heart. 

It took a long time to figure out my mistakes. What I learned from this relationship to be a  better person. The more I blame him, or the condition, the more it hurts. So I took a step,  I didn't want to blame him or the condition, he wasn't the person I thought he was. I have to be careful with my idealism about 'the one'. It can bring me to make a wrong big decision in my life that I will regret for the rest of my life.

I need to re-evaluate my standard about 'the one'. But instead of focus on it, I learn that It's so easy for a woman like me (at my aged, with the background like me) desperate for a man to be married. And the more I looked at that moment, what a fool I was. I just want to be married, and I didn't care how to get there. I just want to be there. And this one year, I still blame my self and think, 'What if .....'. And you know, this sentence begin with 'what if ...' never ending. What if I never ever meet 'the one'? And then what?? Am I sure I am going to be a better person without this process with him? No, I am not sure about that. 

So, I still believe, Everything happens for a reason. This is all about the process. God uses every people and circumstances to shape us. I thought I know my self, but I am not. Only through a relationship, I will know my self better and be a better person. 

He came to my life to give me a lesson. God used this relationship to shape something in my heart and my life. To make me a better woman, no matter how hurt my feeling because of that.

New Hello

When you decide to be brave to say 'GOODBYE',
Life will award you with a 'NEW HELLO'.-
- Unknown -

I quit worrying about those trying to hold me back because God knows how to move the wrong people out of my life and bring the right people in. You know what, during the mourning for my past relationship, I met this special soul just in the right time after I broke up with my boyfriend. She always remind me, the reason why I go on, the reason I stop and it helps me a lot when I am thinking to look back again. Oh.... No.

I was trapped in an idea, that he will be my husband and no one else. I didn't want to start from zero again. I had to give 'us' a chance (for many times) again to work out. How stupid I was. What the hell was I thinking? I was really depressed. And this woman is stronger than I thought. 

That's so true, I heard a quote like this:
When you decide to be brave to say 'GOODBYE',
Life will award you with a 'NEW HELLO'.-

This woman is the strongest woman I have ever known in my life. I have so many reason to say that. Maybe I can write one book just to tell you about her life. And the funniest thing is, I thought I am the one that will help her, but in reality, we are helping each other to be the best we can be. I thought I am stronger, but I have to admit, this woman is stronger than me. Naturally. Hopefully, she doesn't read this post. Ha ha ha ha.

Even though, we are really different in many ways, I really mean it, because we can fight like Tom and Jerry, all the time, because any reason, but we never be apart.

Really, she is my partner in crime and a gift of God to me. She just love me. And I just love her. As simple as that. And I like everything about us. Thank you Tuhan Yesus. 

Golden Lesson

Here are some points that I learnt this year:

Be patient and keep doing the right thing even though the wrong thing is happening. 
No matter how deep you drown, 
how far away you are,
you always gonna find a way back into His love. 
Remember His promise. 
He puts the promise in your heart. 
You may not see how it can happen, but the anointing is on your life. 

Don't get distracted by competing with others. 
God has a specific calling and different process for everyone. 
Maybe, you were thinking why my life is so f***** up. 
Why my life is hard. 
Why is anybody else's life looks easy and happy. 
Now, stop your self pity attitude. 
Run your race. 
You have exactly what you need for your assignment. 
Learn to accept what you have now and appreciate that. 
Increase your capacity. 
Redefine your motivation.
Remind how worthy you are because He paid you with His blood. 
You are matter to God. 
There's no coincidental in your life. 
Good or bad, God can use all of them to bring His glory through your life.

God has not promised that you will never get hurt, 
but He has promised to heal you. 
This is what He needs from you.
When you are in the darkest moment of your life.
When you think, this is maybe the end of you.
When you say to yourselves, I can't bear it anymore, this is just too much.
When you can not trust anybody else.
Remember this:
You need to trust His heart.
He is your Heavenly Father.
He knows the best for you.
He gave His son to die so you can live with honouring to His son's blood.
If you still crying when you remember that 'cross', that means you will have strength to bear your own cross.
Get up, move up, and continue your journey with Him.
He is waiting to open up to you a new thing that you will never imagined before.

God bless you,

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